5 tips for going sober in a friendship group who like to party
Another truth about sobriety is that it is likely that your friendship group is going to change. I was lucky when I went sober, that I had a lot of friends who worked in the fitness industry and who lived in the United States - all of whom didn’t think it was that weird that I was giving up alcohol.
But the other side of my friendship group? There was a set of friends who did a LOT of partying - and I was worried about how they would react. In their defence, they didn’t make a big fuss about it. No one ever pressured me to drink, and I was still invited to all of the events - but one thing that I hear time and time again, is from people whose friendship groups just do not support their decision - and this is definitely something that restricts a lot of people from sticking to their sobriety.
Here are my tips and tricks for going sober in a group of party animals:
Remember your why -
Ultimately, you are doing this for you - as a huge added benefit to your life, not as a sacrifice. Any time you view sobriety as a sacrifice it becomes something that is easy to give up or to want to break (like the restriction involved with a diet). When you realise that you are not drinking FOR YOU and in your best interest, then you realise that if anyone else makes you drink, you are putting their best wishes for their own interests above yours.
Acknowledge that cutting out the cocktails is going to streamline your friendship group -
Because this is just how it goes. Sobriety shows you the truth about not only yourself but a lot of people around you. Sobriety is going to help you to work out who are the good time gals (and guys) around you and who were those who were going to be there for you in times of need, crisis or stress. It might be sad to see some friendships change, fade away, or for it to become clear who really needs or prefers to have alcohol in their life to have fun. Hopefully, these people won’t be those nearest and dearest to you, and you can watch the dynamics of your friendship groups change without too much drama. Over time, you will likely look back and see that the friends you only ever saw in the night club maybe weren’t your deepest and most true friends after all.
Acknowledge that friendships need to be worked upon and can’t just be expected -
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing better than a good, wild night out with people you have just met, or even your best friends, but there is something truly beautiful about those friendships that are still there the next day and that love you and accept you for who you are and the decisions you make to better yourself. Understanding who the most important friends to you are before you go on this journey will help you to keep prioritising them through this process and ensuring that you find additional ways to spend time with them and nurture your friendship together.
Acknowledge that it’s ok (and sad) to lose friends along this journey -
People not supporting you might be part and parcel of making big changes in your life. If they are your best friends, or have been friends with you for a very long time, and you feel that the dynamics of your friendships are changing - or they don’t support this decision or the new version of you, one of the most painful truths is that you don’t HAVE to be friends with them. Friendships, whilst in an ideal world will stay forever, are fluid things and just like relationships, they come and go as people change. This can be a very upsetting experience, however, so do seek help from a professional and qualified therapist to help you monitor and manage this situation for you.
Be open to meeting new friends who share non-alcohol related interests -
If you feel like the people around you are not supporting you and your new decision not to drink, it might not be the worst idea to look outside of your current pool of friends and be open minded to meeting new people who *DO* support you. There is a mis understanding that as you get older, people think that you can’t make new friends - and this is not the case. Recently, I met a new friend who was a friend of a good friend of mine. We met and we got on well - at which point we decided to go to a dance class together the next week, and then get breakfast the week after that. All of these activities were non-alcohol related, and because we had a mutual interest in dancing, alcohol was actually irrelevant to our friendship. Know that, no matter your age, there are new friendships out there waiting to support you as you step into the new part of your life.
Louise is 3.5 years sober. You can listen to her podcast episode on Sobriety on Apple here and Spotify here. She discusses how and why her ‘dream life’ wasn’t actually so dreamy after a;; how a ‘night gone wrong’ led to me deciding to go sober for 30 days. That 30 days turned into nearly 4 years and sobriety and being sober curious was without a doubt the best decision she have ever made.
Interested in more content like this?
You can follow Louise Rumball on Instagram here and OPENHOUSE here.
You can also grab your free workshop with clinical psychologist Dr Helene-Laurent here where we discuss my sobriety journey and actionable tips and tricks to help you en route with yours.
