How Your Anxious Attachment Actually Develops
With over 150,000 people having streamed our OPENHOUSE Therapy anxious attachment podcasts, we know a thing or two about the anxious attachment style. Something that often goes unaddressed in today's psychology field is the significance of understanding your biology when it comes to healing your anxious attachment style. You can't simply think your way out of an anxious attachment style— if it were that easy, we would have all resolved our attachment issues long ago! Embarking on the journey to heal an anxious attachment style requires a deeper understanding. It entails recognizing that the anxious attachment style is not solely a psychological phenomenon; it's also a biological experience. Understanding this intricate connection between the mind and body is essential for genuine progress and initiating meaningful change.
Change begins by altering our biology, and our biology subsequently influences our thoughts. The key to understanding our attachment style lies in comprehending that it's embedded in our body. Our personal biology, neurodevelopment, nervous systems, and limbic system are all shaped by our genetic makeup and the emotional attunement we received in our past experiences. These factors have molded our body's wiring and reactions. To move forward, let's delve into the interplay between personal biology, neurodevelopment, early-life relationships, emotional attunement, and the limbic system to unravel how your anxious attachment style actually formed.
Your Personal Biology drives the foundations of your Anxious Attachment style
Each individual's attachment style is influenced by their unique biological makeup. Understanding that this process began before we were aware of it helps us comprehend its lasting impact and allows us to more compassionately nurture our anxious attachment style back to a secure one. Many people think that they can think their way out of the anxious attachment style, but the truth is, to change your state, you need to understand your state in the first place. Your state is your biology, and this is unique to each of us. So, how did our anxious attachment form?
Neurodevelopment and anxious attachment
Neurodevelopment and anxious attachment are interconnected in several ways:
Wiring of your Nervous System: The development of a person's nervous system, including the brain and its various components, occurs during early childhood. This process is influenced by genetic factors and early life experiences, which can contribute to the formation of attachment patterns, including anxious attachment.
Emotional Regulation: Neurodevelopment also plays a role in emotional regulation. Anxious attachment can be linked to difficulties in regulating emotions, which may be influenced by the way a person's nervous system developed during their early years.
Stress Response: The way a person's nervous system responds to stress is closely related to their attachment style. Individuals with an anxious attachment style often exhibit heightened stress responses, which can be traced back to the neurodevelopmental aspects of their attachment.
So, alongside your personal biology, neurodevelopment refers to the process of the nervous system's growth and maturation during early life. It is during the first 3 years of your life that your nervous system undergoes significant growth, refinement, and lays its foundational structure. It is not a coincidence that these formative years for your nervous system align with the establishment of your attachment style foundations. Some people believe that the first three years of life shape the trajectory of the rest of it. It is crucial to reflect on your early experiences.
Ask yourself: What was happening in my family home and with my parents during this period of my life? How did my parents feel individually, as a couple, and towards the world during this critical time? These questions can provide valuable insights into the origins of your attachment style and its influence on your current emotional patterns and relationships.
Your Early Life Relationships/ Connections lay your Attachment style
Alongside your own personal biology and your neurodevelopment in the first few years of your life, your early life relationships and connections are the next crucial piece of the puzzle.
The quality of your relationship and connection with primary caregivers (often Mom) and the way they were able to attune to you when you needed something profoundly influences the development of your nervous system and your attachment style as well. This is because emotional attunement from parents plays a pivotal role in shaping an individual's attachment style, including the anxious attachment style. Emotional attunement refers to a parent's ability to recognize, understand, and respond to their child's emotional needs and cues effectively.
The amount of attunement we receive in these first few years of life can have significant effects on our neurotransmitter development (as well as the number of neurons in our brain).
Studies have shown that the lack of consistent attunement or 'social buffering' early in life can disrupt our neurotransmitter systems, such as oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. These disruptions may manifest later in life through our attachment style and can influence our mental health and general nervous system sensitivity also.
Social Buffering & The Anxious Attachment Style
A lack of social buffering in childhood or early relationships (particularly from your Mother) can contribute to the development of an anxious attachment style by creating a foundation of uncertainty, insecurity, and heightened anxiety in relationships and in your nervous system. A deficiency in social buffering, particularly during crucial developmental stages, can impact the formation of an anxious attachment style through its influence on neurotransmitters, the nervous system, and the stress response.
Dysregulated Neurotransmitters: In the absence of consistent emotional support and social buffering, the development of neurotransmitter systems, including oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, can become disrupted. These neurotransmitters play a vital role in emotional well-being and regulation. A lack of emotional reassurance can hinder the healthy development of these neurotransmitter systems, contributing to emotional dysregulation and heightened stress responses.
Hyperactive Stress Response: The absence of social buffering can lead to a hyperactive stress response in individuals. When caregivers are emotionally inconsistent or unavailable, the nervous system may become sensitized to stressors, triggering the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This heightened stress response can make individuals more susceptible to anxiety and fear in relationships, forming a basis for an anxious attachment style.
Over-Reliance on Self-Regulation: In the absence of external emotional support, individuals may develop an overreliance on self-regulation. This means they learn to manage their emotions independently, which can contribute to self-reliance but may also result in difficulty trusting others with their emotional needs.
Hypervigilance: A lack of social buffering can lead to hypervigilance in relationships. Individuals become overly attuned to signs of rejection or abandonment, which can lead to overreacting to perceived threats and constant monitoring of their partner's emotional responses.
Anxious Attachment Style + The Limbic System
Your body has an incredible capacity to store memories and emotional experiences, and much of this intricate encoding takes place within the limbic system.
The limbic system is a complex network of brain structures responsible for processing emotions, forming memories, and regulating our responses to emotional stimuli. It includes the amygdala, hippocampus, hypothalamus, and other interconnected regions. These structures work together to not only store but also retrieve emotional memories associated with past experiences.
In the context of the attachment style, the limbic system plays a crucial role in retaining the emotional imprints of early relationships and events. Therefore, even though we may not consciously recall every detail, our body remembers the emotional essence of these events, influencing our emotional responses and attachment patterns throughout our lives. This deep-seated memory system can significantly impact how we perceive and navigate relationships as adults, especially when it comes to attachment styles.
For more on how to heal your anxious attachment style, head to this blog post here.
